So, guys, let's be honest here: Would you actually recommend OkCupid?

celerity · 2012-05-21T02:32:10.977571+00:00

Age is a big factor in my experience. I'm a late 30's man and live in a fairly large metro area. OKC skews very young (many more members below 30) and the selection is pretty limited for women between mid-30's to mid-40's (I don't like to go much younger than myself). My response rate is decent but I think online dating can be a little better for older men. The number of male and female profiles is A LOT closer to even when you get into your mid-30's. If you have your shit together and write a decent profile, there is significantly less competition. Plus, a lot of men my age are still chasing only the 25-year-old hotties. Again, less competition for me.

Having said that, if you're relatively handsome (and have good photos to prove it), in good shape, tall, have a decent job and can write a great profile (a rare skill in itself), OKC can be great for even younger men. Since most of us don't meet that full criteria, online dating can be a little depressing. If you have a major deal breaker that screws up most of your relationships IRL, it will likely only be magnified online and rule you out before you even get a chance. Of course, if everyone you meet IRL runs because you have 4 kids or are a garbage man, it gives you a shot at finding someone that doesn't care about that stuff. Like most things in life, half full or half empty.

I'm not saying they shouldn't do it but don't invest a significant amount of time. I try to look at it as simply another way to meet people and nothing more. If they're truly trying to find a compatible mate for a LTR, anyone can be successful. However, if they're going to only chase the best looking women like most guys on OKC, they better be one of the best looking men.

trouphaz · 2 days

I haven't done a lot of interviewing and I wouldn't consider myself very good at it. However, I've been interviewed quite a bit and can tell you what types of interviews turned into jobs where I performed well. The best interviews I've had were exactly the same. They looked at my resume which matched very closely to the reqs and then discussed it with me somewhat casually to see if it was bullshit. If they asked any technical questions, they just lobbed a few softballs to make sure I wasn't full of shit. The casualness of the interview got me to let my guard down and then they got to see my personality. Plus, it helps that I had glowing references.

The worst interviews by far were the ones with written tests and hardcore technical interviews. Any technical question is somewhat subjective based on my exact experience. The person that wrote the test rarely has the same experience so often the questions don't even make sense. A few times I was asked very advanced questions followed by the interviewer saying that happened at their site and they were on the phone with Microsoft for 10 hours to fix it. And you thought I might know off the top of my head? If you're going to give a test, at least be fair and use questions from a cert exam that will be fairly standard.

Riemannopotamus · 2 days

I try to keep in mind that writing an interesting profile is a talent not many people have. Not only do you need to string the words together but you need a sense of humor and enough common sense to know what will make you stand out. It makes it really difficult to get excited about writing someone when their profile is filled with generic bullshit like they can't do without air.

THEskepticalPELICAN · 2 days

No response means not interested as far as I'm concerned. If you get a ton of messages like some women do, they don't owe every guy a thanks but no thanks response. The only time I think it's rude is when we've been messaging back and forth and then you drop off the face of the earth.

To me it's like applying for a job. Everyone that sends in an application doesn't get a response from the employer. Only qualified candidates who look promising get a response.

manskies · 3 days

As a guy in his late 30's, I often end up on much younger profiles by clicking on users listed under Similar Users. I think hmm, she's cute and then ooohh, a readhead and finally hey, more kinky! - next thing you know you're looking at someone young enough to be your daughter. For the record, I have zero interest in anyone under 30 regardless of looks. That doesn't excuse guys who message you but it might explain at least some of the browsers.

StrangeCaptain · 4 days

At a previous job we had a super strict SLA. We had to address all tickets within 30 minutes if they were submitted before 6 PM. We didn't have to necessarily solve them but at least determine the severity, set a status and put them in a queue. It used to drive me crazy how many people waited until the very end of the day to submit tickets. I assume they were busy so made a note to submit it during their end-of-day procedures but it screwed us. It takes a while to even read through a dozen tickets. And if I was working on something else I might not even look at them until 5:30 or so. Needless to say, there were many nights that I had to cancel my dinner plans.

At another job the server team had to be oncall for everybody else. If a directory on a server filled up and broke a job because somebody on the app team dropped the ball, we got called at 3 AM. We would have to login, look at the problem, determine it was an app issue (I had no idea what files were safe to move/delete) and then start calling people. Of course, their "oncall" schedule was usually 6 months out of date so you had to call random people. Keep in mind we got a very specific email saying X dir on Y server is full. Why couldn't that email have gone straight to the app team? We managed the monitoring and made sure everyone knew it was possible to do that. Mostly it was because our manager was a wimp and the app team manager wasn't.

The job I have now has no true oncall and it's amazing! They will call you if a problem needs to be addressed but there's no official schedule saying you can't go out of town or anything. At this point in my career my job interviews are mostly about me trying to get a feel for their oncall system:)

EDIT: By "super strict SLA", I didn't mean to imply 30 minutes is that crazy. I've actually had tighter SLAs at other jobs. I meant they were super strict about enforcing it and that people literally got fired if we missed it.

jumajuma · 5 days

He works in a more rural area and there's a lot of competition. There's one particular company that undercuts small guys like him all the time. Considering this, there's no way he could be aggressive upfront about getting paid. My friends in big cities still have trouble getting paid but not to that extent.

jumajuma · 5 days

I have zero interest in working for myself but I have several friends who run small companies of themselves or just a few people. The number one thing I hear them complain about is getting paid. It's so difficult that one of them offers 5% off if you pay within two weeks. Sometimes they'll procure equipment and then the client either stiffs them or changes their mind. Now they're stuck with a switch or server and have to either eat it or sell it to another customer at a discount. A couple of years ago during the recession, a buddy of mine got taken by several small businesses that used his services and never paid him. He ended involving a collection agency and got pennies on the dollar. Now he must be paid for the last job before starting the next one.

Something else they say often is you have to be willing to fire a client. If a client is monopolizing your time with petty issues, making you jump through hoops or not paying on time, it's better to cut your losses and dump them.

throwaway_lady · 7 days

The way I look at it, if you've been sexually active and unmarried/actively dating since you were 18 years old, 14 could be considered a low number (well, unless you're 19 now:). And some people have a head start before they hit 18. I tend not to date a lot but some people quickly get back into another relationship after a breakup. Even more prudish people would probably agree that its OK to have sex after dating someone for 3 months. You could easily go through a series of semi-brief relationships and hit double digits pretty quick.

I don't understand why everyone is so obsessed about numbers anyway. The only thing I want to know is if you used protection and/or were tested. If you had a bunch of one night stands and didn't use a condom, I would be concerned as some things might not show up on tests right away. And I might be concerned that you're not a responsible person in general.

I think it boils down to how honest the person is which is admittedly hard to know. I might not care if you previously slept around but I would make it clear that's not what I'm looking for. Things might not work out and it ends up being a brief casual relationship but at least I was upfront.

KCSunshine111 · 11 days

I've been on tons of blind dates and you do get used to it. The trick I use is to imagine how nervous and scared the other person is. It makes me feel like I'm in control of the date (don't mean that in a creepy way).

tsukiii · 13 days

I look at it like a wanted ad for a job. If you don't meet about 75% of the criteria, you're probably wasting everyone's time. And nobody meets even close to 100%. The more criteria you list, the more great candidates you chase away.

B-I-N-G-Oismynam-o · 15 days

That's not at all what I was expecting either. I have a friend whose 8-year-old daughter is overweight and seeing that kid for the first time makes your jaw drop. You need to put on your best poker face before you even talk to her because it's so shocking. Her parents are equally overweight and not even really trying to help her. They were going to send her to fat camp but decided to buy some toys for themselves instead. She is in for a long, hard life.

TimeTravelingKitten · 18 days

I leave it blank so it doesn't make me look uptight. I never do drugs including pot and don't plan to but it doesn't bother me if others do it occasionally.

rztz · 18 days

This is exactly why I go out of my way to not use really flattering photos. I'd rather sandbag a little and have them be pleasantly surprised. I don't use unflattering photos but I try to keep it real.

My aunt was trying to set me up on a blind date once with a girl from her work. She didn't have any recent photos of me so she brought in a photo of me at my brother's wedding TEN years earlier. I don't look radically different but ten years is ten years.

rztz · 18 days

With any potential features for online dating, the key factor is could it make the experience worse for women. If the answer is possibly yes, then it's a bad idea. It's just like a bar - if you chase away the women, you might as well close.

disanto · 18 days

I like this idea. To look over thousands of search results and narrow down the most likely answer takes some knowledge or at least a lot of common sense. I think the important part of using Google is knowing which answers are not correct.

AceTracer · 19 days

I've heard a lot about this concept in the bad job market of the past few years. Of course, many hiring managers won't give you any feedback but I know people who actually got great feedback. Plus, it shows a desire to improve which is an attractive quality. I think the key is how you ask.

Personally, I'm not sure I want to know the reason. Sure, it would be alright to find out you talked too much or maybe your strong views on a certain subject turned them off. However, you don't get to control the content when you ask for criticism. It would be devastating to hear repeatedly that you're simply too short or very boring. I would be at least a little concerned about protecting my ego.

Maxxters · 20 days

If you read those threads, most of it comes down to the guy simply not trying or not caring about the other person's pleasure. It's rare that people are classified as bad lovers purely based on lack of skill alone. There is possibly more emphasis on skill with one night stands I suppose. Generally, I think women (and men) are pretty forgiving if the other person is a) making a genuine effort, b) asking for and willing to take direction or c) they have an emotional connection. The only times I've had what I might call bad sex is when my partner refused to communicate.

RoddBlack · 21 days

I have met women on craigslist for casual sex/casual dating in the past but it's not worth the hassle now IMHO. The last time was a couple of years ago. She was a data analyst and after meeting for a drink she invited me back to her place. All of the women I met were very normal and at least semi-attractive. There are plenty of women who are busy with kids/career/etc that still want to get laid occasionally. The key is to write a witty, clever ad that does not directly mention sex. These days the ads are flagged so quickly you're lucky to even get a few fake responses from an ad. And if you write a really good ad, it will immediately be recycled by someone else after yours is removed. It almost has to be jealous guys trying to eliminate the competition or maybe religious nuts that just flag everything.

As for the female ads, I would guess guys write her and then flag her to have it removed so nobody else can write. These days very few, if any, W4M ads are for real. I never responded to a W4M ad because why be one of the herd when you can so easily stand out among the poorly written M4W ads?

I'm surprised no other site has come along to replace craigslist. I assume people looking for hookups have moved on to regular dating sites like OKC and POF.

BipboppityBoop · 21 days

I don't even really have a drinking problem, I get really drunk on the weekends but that's about it.

If you get drunk and do things you don't want to do, you have a drinking problem by definition. How often you drink doesn't matter. I know alcoholics and they don't drink 24/7 like on TV. My ex-roommate was (and is) a major alcoholic and when things were going right in his life he would occasionally go months without drinking at all. If you make bad choices when you're drunk, the solution is to stay sober.

MiddleAgedWaffle · 21 days

Step 2: Act upon what you want.

It's amazing what you can get in life if you're only willing to ask for it - jobs, dates, casual sex, etc.

BipboppityBoop · 21 days

It is what it is - get over it and move on. While there are plenty of prostitutes not doing it totally by choice (probably 95% +), it's not like you had a Bangkok pimp bring you a 13-year-old girl. What's more likely is they were technically doing it by choice but would rather be doing something else.

My immediate thought is why did it take 5 times before your conscience kicked in? I've done plenty that I'm not proud of but I rarely do them twice. Sounds like you have a drinking problem.

xiaobachi · 21 days

The ONLY time I think that listing your income can be advantageous (sort of) is if you do pretty well but haven't completed much formal education.

I'm generally against listing your salary but this could be an exception to that rule. I think women sometimes use things like education level to establish that a man at least has a solid career. A decent salary could at least keep you in the running. I don't think it's so much bout money as it is stability. For example, a school teacher is never going to be rich but he will most likely always have a job, good benefits and a decent retirement.

Merk2 · 21 days

That's the gift and the curse of online dating. That cute girl you met in the grocery store? You won't know she's a Jesus freak until a date or two and by that point you wasted your resources (time, possibly money, etc.) on the dates and got your hopes up. Online you would know right away and never message her. But then it can get depressing because you rarely even get to the dating stage. In the end, you're technically no worse off by dating online, it just feels that way sometimes.

thecompu · 23 days

Another Windows admin here that loves his 13" MacBok Air. I consider it one of the best purchases I ever made, technical or otherwise. It's been about 6 month and I'm still excited to use it. I really like Office 2011 for Mac too. Having said that, it's strictly for personal use. I would never try to use a Mac for work. And I don't find Parallels or Fusion very enjoyable to work in for long periods of time.

At work I just got a 17" Dell Latitude E5520. It's still new to me so I can't give a detailed review but it's one of the nicer Windows laptops I've used.

B-I-N-G-Oismynam-o

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